This is the longest I've ever gone without writing. Six months. Six entire months without putting pen to page, creating a new story, or editing an old one. I didn't journal. I didn't doodle. All I did was let my mind wander.
Sometimes, that's necessary. Sometimes, when I'm deep in a project, I can be so focused on an edit or a sentence or a period that I forget the creativity part of it all. That what drew me in to writing the story in the first place was imagining. Dreaming. Wandering. Observing. I think one of my favorite things to do as a writer is observe. I am a nosey, eavesdropping observer in cafes, on street corners, in grocery stores, etc.. Wherever I am, I let my ears and eyes observe. (Don't judge. I bet you do this too.) It might be two people arguing in a tiny chic restaurant. It might be a family resembling a circus at a cafe. It might be nothing but the growing line of a Starbucks. And while most of it is mundane, it feeds my soul. It reminds me that I create. That I create out of nothing. That I can take the mundane, the mediocre, the modest, and give it life. Because that's really what storytelling is, isn't it? Taking the everyday and breathing new life into it? Most of the time, to me, that means a bit of magic. I can't help but want something fantastical to happen in every one of my mundane scenes of life. So durning this break of mine, this six month break, I observed. I let my mind wander. And now? I *think* I know who I want to write about. She's come to me a few times during this break. A sense of a girl. A strong girl who's not ready to let her insecurities break her. I've had no clue to anything else of her story. But, that's where now comes in. Now is the time to create. To say goodbye to the slump and hello to the magic. Now is the time to meet my character and discover her story. Let's go.
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I feel as if every blogger out there does one of these types of posts every so often. So, who am I to mess with the norm? I know, I know, be my own person. Blah, blah, blah. But I truly love reading other's "Life, lately" posts and wondered, maybe, just maybe, someone out there would be interested in mine.
If not, cool beans. I'm gonna write one anyway. Especially since I've been away for so long. Here's how I'll do it. Put life into subjects. As in, doing lately; reading lately; eating lately; writing lately; etc. Yeah? Yeah. Here goes. Doing lately: Moving things around the house with the Husband. Turning my office into a joint office space, since he's now working from home on occasion. And turning our upstairs space into an actual guest room. Love having a room ready for an impromptu sleepover! Visited Harry Potter land with Mom and Dad; Magical Castle with good friends; Vegas with the Husband and parents; hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve; and put together several puzzles during football season. So. Fun. Reading lately: Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist. Guys. I'm reading this book with my Dad, and it gives me all the feels. I'm also reading one of author James Aries' manuscripts. He's an awesome writer and friend of mine and I adore his stories. The one I'm reading now is the sequel to Verve Stones (The Legend of Spoon). Guys. It's AMAZING. Eating lately: If you're in the LA area, there are a handful of deeeelicious restaurants that the Husband and I have been frequenting.
Watching lately: FINALLY watched Stranger Things. Loved. It. New favorite animated movie? SING. Enjoying lately: almond chai lattes; blonder hair; loungewear; sneakers with dresses; fresh flowers from Trader Joe's; walks to breakfast; face masks; mint tea; puppy snuggles; Kayla Itsines' BBG guide; and creating again. Ahhhhh. The feel of my fingers on the keys is as life giving to me as Spring is to nature. It's been too long. And yet, it's been just the right amount of time away. I've been able to unplug, enjoy precious time with family, and see how God truly wanted me to spend that writing break.
Verdict? With people. I spent it with my parents and family first and foremost. And while health continues to be an issue with my Dad, God has showed up in amazing ways over these last few months. As he does. Always. We went on a trip to Vegas; Dad and I started our own book club; dinners and sleep overs and sweet times were had on numerous occasions. I spent it with my friends. Having a clear calendar allowed me to say yes more. Yes to coffee dates. Yes to house visits. Yes to impromptu gatherings. Honestly, this has been such a blessing. God has given me some amazing friends, both close and far. And having the freedom to say yes has allowed for me to be truly encouraged by the women in my life. Weekly phone calls with my best friend; coffee dates in Pasadena with sweet ones and their babies; long texts late at night that encourage my soul; sleep overs; game nights. Now? I'm not sure. I don't have a story idea. I didn't have a break through. I still feel a bit lost and creatively empty. But. It felt time to come back. It felt good. It felt right. It felt exciting. And honestly, I hadn't felt that until today. So, here's to a new season of writing. Let's see what comes. Love you, readers. My heart is heavy even as I write this. But after a few days of prayer and thought, I've decided to take a creativity break.
Let me explain. As I've shared a bit previously, my Dad is undergoing some tough health issues. My Dad. My precious, brave, encouraging Dad. And it has taken a toll on me. I don't say this for pity. I only say this to be honest. Part of me has dreaded writing this post. Because I feel like it means I'm giving up. After all, when the tough days hit, shouldn't the writing flow? Shouldn't I be able to write through it? Create out of pain? Trust me. I've tried. But all that happens is my heart stays heavy; my fingers stay limp; and the writing stays terrible. So, after the sweetest conversation with my husband, some thoughtful prayer, and encouragement from my family, I've decided to shelve my sequel for now. I've decided to limit my posts, my self-publishing push. And take care of my mental health. Take care of my family. I love this life--this writing life of mine. I will return to it too. But for now, I need to let my mind explore without timelines. What will I do? Spend days with my family while my Dad recovers. Read. Freelance (bills must be paid, after all). Organize forgotten closets. Take care of household things. Write other stories. Or not. And most importantly, trust God through this tough moment in time. He'll lead me back to creating when he wants me to. I hope to update this blog, here and there. To keep you updated on life. Until then, I adore you, readers. For your support. For your hugs. Looking forward to creating along with you someday again. xoxo That little scoundrel. The jealousy monster. He's been rearing his ugly, pointy, scaly head again and man, have I had to fight him off. Hard.
When books don't sell like you hope they would. When reviews aren't pilling up like you wish they would. When your writing doesn't flow like you thought it would. Jealousy appears like a nasty beast. "You suck," it says. "And those people? All those people out there--the writers, the authors, the successful dreamers--they don't." "But, I'm doing what I can," I say. "I like what I've produced." The monster simply scoffs. And grins. "Oh, really?" And then a montage of everyone you follow's successful tweets and images and snaps flash before your eyes. Played to some stupid song like "We are the Champions"; but somehow with updated words like, "They are the Champions: And you're not." Yes. Other people are successful. Will always be successful. And guess what? I want to be happy about that. Honestly--what right do I have to wish doom upon others, only until I too become as successful as they? I don't. What a hypocrite I would be too. To cast snide long glances and bad vibes on others as they share their successes--when all I want is to share mine. Jealousy. It's a tough thing to battle. It's one of my weaknesses in life. Jealousy about others' fashion choices; income; hair length; weight loss; book sales; websites; follower count...and the list can go on. It can so easily consume me. To the point where I'm spending more time being envious over others' successes and less time being my own girl boss. And getting stuff done. Working on my own goals. Being confident about my own self. Joyfully accepting the path God has set me on. And rejoicing in being content right. Where. I. Am. I'm working on this. This contentment journey. Always have been. Always will be. But it's something I constantly need to remind myself about. Especially when the jealousy monster appears in full force. So. Here's to you. Your successes. Your goals. Your dreams. Can't wait to hear about them all. xoxo Guuuuuys for a LIMITED TIME THE NAMING OF COLTON BLACK is ON SALE! That's right, from TODAY until September 14th, TNCB is only $0.99 on Kindle! The price will jump to $1.99 (still a DEAL!) on the 15th and last until the 18th, so snag one before the price returns to its original price ($2.99) on the 19th!
(And don't worry. I'll send out some reminders along the way :D) This is going to be a WILDLY far fetched comparison, but I'm feeling it, so here it is. Lately, after publishing two books and having an amazing book signing experience, I've been feeling stuck. Almost like an olympian coming off the high of winning a gold medal. (I told you it was far fetched.) It's an odd feeling, being here. I thought I'd revel in it more. But I'm feeling--stuck.
I know I need to press onwards. Put my face out there. Contact more people. Go. Go. Go. And yet--where do I begin? I rode the wave for a bit and now, I've crashed. Now, I'm not saying this for pity. Because I've made this choice. I guess I'm just being real. And asking for some help. Help in how to cope. Help in how to move forward. Help in how to stay connected and sell books. I would LOVE some advice. Or an encouraging word! Thanks, all. XOXO big time. I just wanted to say a big thank you for putting up with my inconsistencies lately. The blog. The newsletter. Social Media. It's all been rather off lately--and that's due to life happening.
Without telling you too much, my dad's been dealing with some not so happy health issues that have landed him in the hospital. Surgery; recovery; and many more long months of rest. Which is where my time and attention have been. Visiting; spending nights with my parents; encouraging them. It's hard, running a blog and business when things like this happen. Because you don't have anyone else doing it for you. When you drop the ball, everything stops. But I knew that if I could explain a little, you'd all understand. Because, well, life happens. God is good. Family is good. And life will eventually find its new routine. Until then, expect a few more bumps in the road. I AM working on this month's newsletter -- I am! It's just a bit late. Thanks again, guys. You make this so fun. xoxo I know you’re not supposed to highlight negatives in your life. You don’t want the bullies to get attention. The haters to get the spotlight. But sometimes, you gotta call out the negatives so you can remind yourself of the positives. So. Here goes.
I got a negative review. It’s an odd one, though. While the reviewer gave it three stars and complemented the book three times (1. It was well written; 2. “it had some funny parts”; and 3. They “liked it” (not loved it)) they ended their blurb with “Do not buy.” Knife in the gut. Not going to lie. That hurt. Hurt to read words about my precious baby that I labored over for years. That I cried over; sacrificed my time for; loved on. But. You cannot please everyone. Of course, I’d rather be able to. Of course I’d rather everyone love my writing; praise me for my prose; for my plot lines. But that’s not realistic. Even the greats receive negative reviews. How then can I expect to escape them? If anything, negative reviews tell me three things:
There’s a part of me that wants to cry. To stop writing the sequel to The Missing Crimoire (what’s the point? This reviewer found my plot uninteresting!) But that means letting one voice win. I can’t let that one voice win. Therefore, I will brush myself off. Hold my head high. And write. Because that’s what I was purposed to do. It’s not easy, ignoring the negatives. But it’s an absolute must if you want to remain joyful and continue your art. Keep at it. You’re awesome. I have no words.
And for a writer, that's saying something. I am overwhelmed by the love and support I received on Wednesday for my book signing. Everything was just as I always dreamed it would be. A room full of people I love; in a bookstore I adore; speaking about a book that I'm proud of. To say I walked away happy is and will always be an understatement. Some highlights of the event for me:
It was a dream come true. It was a surreal moment. It was beyond one of the best moments of my life. I can't wait to do it again and again and again. Thank you. For. Everything. I'm going to post my talk on the site, in case anyone is interested in what I said and couldn't make it. Hugs and love to the moon and back. |
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