I'm not gonna lie. I love working for myself. The flexibility that comes with self-employment is my jam. I can schedule my hours around my husband's; I can work in my yoga pants; I can work at 2am and wake up at 10am. Those of you who work from home get it.
I've been hit with some depression lately. And usually when that happens, I take a step back and analyze things. Often times the depression is just there. A physical heaviness that has no reason to exist. Life can be going well and then BAM. Hello, depression.
Other times, however, there's a root to the cause. And this time, when I gave it some thought, I realized something. Self-employment can suck sometimes.
If you're anyone like me, someone who loves doing good work; loves pleasing people; loves being an excellent employee; then you might understand me when I say--I need feedback. I crave it. I've been getting by without it for a while now. True, with every freelance job I get, there's a sense of validation that comes along with it. This person must value my skills--they're paying me.
But when the freelance gigs wane, and writing your own projects take president, the feedback disappears. And you're left facing your own doubts and demons. Without the balance of outside praise, those negative voices can become overwhelming; push away any good thing you've done. Tell you it's worthless; it's stupid. No one cares.
I don't know what the solution is. Because I know I shouldn't live my life solely for the praise of my work. Gosh, no. And I know I need to develop that internal voice that'll give me the confidence I need. (#girlboss). But it's also a good thing to reflect on. It helps me know how I work best. Helps me know how to encourage other self-employed pals.
And most importantly, know how to deal better with that self-employment depression when it comes along.
Love to know how other self-employed writers / artists / etc. out there deal with this!
5/18/2016 01:41:45 pm
This definitely happens to me. Being unable to compare my productivity with others drives me crazy sometimes. Do you have a writing group that you meet with regularly? That would help on the creative writing side of things.
5/18/2016 03:27:24 pm
Currently, I don't! I keep thinking about this. And that could definitely help!
5/18/2016 02:31:09 pm
Picture it, Pasadena (Altadena?), Thanksgiving 2009. I gushed to your parents about how awesome working with you was. That that is in the past doesn't make it untrue; the fact of it is unalterable and enduring. Friendly reminder. :)
5/18/2016 03:27:52 pm
AWWW. THAAAAAANKS! That means TONS :D
5/24/2016 02:50:13 pm
Hello Robin! I am so glad that I have come across your blog. I read this and I feel like I wrote it because it pictures my emotions perfectly. I am also, kinda, freelancer, since my job can be part-time or full-time (I am an online tutor and I plan my own schedule), but I don't like it at all since I have to work more hours and, more importantly, I love writing, not teaching. Anyway, I also crave for feedback, feedback on my writing and hope that one day I can reach as much people as possible with my future books. I am dealing with those negative emotions by working on fulfilling of my dreams :) Looking forward to reading lots more of your posts! Have a great day, Robin!
5/26/2016 11:03:37 am
I'm SO glad you found my blog! Thank you for sharing! It's so nice to have others out there who understand this odd journey of ours, yeah?
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